I am often asked to describe the experience of raising
a child with a disability - to try to help people who
have not shared that unique experience,
to understand it,
to imagine how it would feel.
It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning
a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch
of guide books and make your wonderful plans.
The Coliseum.
The Michelangelo David.
The gondolas in Venice.
You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.
It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally
arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours
later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says,
" Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What
do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed
to be in
Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've
landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to
a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence,
famine and disease.
It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you
must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a
whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s
just a different place. It's slower-paced than
Italy, less flashy than Italy.
But after you've
been there for a while and you catch your breath, you
look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has
windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has
Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from
Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful
time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you
will say,
" Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I
had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go
away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very
significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that
you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy
the very special, the very lovely things ...
about Holland. |
